Alcohol use disorder (AUD), commonly called alcoholism, is often called a “family disease” because it impacts more people than just the individual with alcohol addiction. Addiction happens in all types of families, and its emotional side effects are felt by spouses, children, and other loved ones. Their lives, behaviors, and attitudes can change forever as a result of the disease. They can even experience anxiety, depression, and shame as a result of alcohol addiction. Living in a home with alcohol addiction can lead to disruptive behavior, tension, and strained relationships—all of which can cause significant stress on the family unit.
It’s common for many couples to drink together. According to the University of Buffalo’s Clinical and Research Institute on Addiction, both husbands and wives regularly drink alcohol in roughly half of all couples. Moderate alcohol use may have few consequences, but heavier drinking that leads to alcoholism disrupts relationships in many ways, including:
Lower satisfaction and unhappiness with the relationship
Infidelity
Worsening any existing stressors, like financial troubles or childcare responsibilities
Domestic violence through physical or sexual force
Emotional or psychological abuse, such as making insulting comments, threatening abuse, humiliating actions, intimidation, and manipulation
Separation and divorce
Most people who abuse alcohol don’t abuse their partners, but a large proportion of people who abuse their partners also abuse alcohol. One of alcohol’s side effects is that it increases the likelihood of misunderstanding other people’s behavior or motives. As a result, it can cause some people to feel that their violence is a justifiable response. It’s important to remember that being intoxicated or having AUD does not absolve a person from their negative actions and violence is never excusable.
Growing up in a household with alcohol addiction has complicated, lifelong effects on children and their development. It changes their perceptions of themselves, as well as their relationships with their family and others. Children raised by a parent or caregiver with an alcohol addiction may experience complicated and conflicting emotions, including:
Guilt: Blaming themselves as a cause of the addiction
Depression: Feeling lonely and hopeless about the situation at home
Anxiety: Constantly worrying that the person with the addiction may become sick, injured, or violent
Embarrassment: Believing that alcohol addiction is an embarrassing secret to keep and being ashamed to invite friends home or ask for help
Anger: Feeling agitated and irritated by the parent with the addiction, as well as the parent who may be enabling the addiction
Distrust: Having a sense that they cannot rely on anyone, based on previous disappointing experiences with their parent or caregiver as a result of alcohol
Detachment: Feeling emotionally numb or dissociative as a way to cope with anxiety and stress
Confusion: Lacking stability in a home environment that is inconsistent and unpredictable
Beyond the emotional distress, there are other signs that can indicate a child is experiencing a stressful situation at home due to alcoholism. Relatives, teachers, and other adults or friends may notice behavior or personality changes, such as:
Trouble at school: Failing classes, being disruptive, or missing school
Isolation: Withdrawing from classmates and friends
Approval-seeking: Constantly asking for attention and praise
Low self-esteem: Feeling inadequate and sensitive to criticism
Fear of abandonment: Showing extreme dependency on others
Risk-taking or impulsive behaviors: Stealing, fighting, or experimenting with alcohol or drugs
Distrust of authority figures: Having suspicions about the intentions of teachers, counselors, law enforcement officers, or other adults
For many children, they have difficulty expressing their emotions about how addiction impacts their lives. As a result, they learn to cope in a variety of ways. They may take on more responsibility, acting as a parental figure with their siblings and friends. They may become “overachievers” in school and extracurriculars. For some, the unresolved feelings from childhood may end up manifesting as an adult.
Witnessing a loved one struggle with alcohol addiction can be stressful. It can be confusing or difficult to know how to help them with their struggle, especially if you are unsure when or how to start. Here are some steps you can take to get alcohol addiction help for your family.
Living in a home where alcohol addiction is present can feel very tense, stressful, and chaotic. While you may feel like you are to blame for your family member’s alcohol addiction, remember, it is not your fault. Addiction is a disease and you alone are not responsible for causing it or making it stop.
Whether or not your loved one is in treatment for their addiction, don’t wait to start the healing process for yourself and others in the family. There are special groups, designed specifically for families living with alcohol addiction, that connect you with other families in the same situation and facing similar struggles. Together, you learn how to best support your loved one throughout their recovery and how to cope with your emotions related to the addiction.
As much as you want your family member’s addiction to stop, ultimately, it’s up to the person with alcohol addiction to seek treatment. But your actions can help break down the walls that addiction builds. Here are some approaches to take with your family member that can put them on a better path:
There are many types of treatment programs and supportive resources available, depending on your loved one’s specific needs. Once your family member is in treatment for their alcohol addiction, some treatment programs offer family therapy, which can help you rebuild trust, communication, and stability. Some programs even provide community-based resources for families to help with any needs related to housing, employment, childcare, healthcare, and legal services.
Once your family member is in treatment for their alcohol addiction, some programs may involve family members in your loved one’s therapy. Together, the family unit learns how to better communicate with each other, while rebuilding bonds of trust and stability. Some programs may even provide community-based resources for families, such as housing, employment, childcare, healthcare, and legal services.
If you are seeking help with your loved one’s addiction, contact us today or complete our quick contact form below, to speak with an addiction treatment specialist.
If you need help with your substance use disorder, we are here to help you build your confidence and momentum towards the future you want. We provide treatment services for adults with alcohol, opioid, and other substance use disorders. Our services are in Florida, Illinois, Louisiana, Massachusetts, North Carolina, New Jersey, Ohio, Texas, and Washington.
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